Like most speedruns, the US Presidency speedrun operates by the simplest of rules.
- Ensure the United States of America exists
- Be born in the United States at noon January 20th on the year following an election year
- Win the US presidency at age 34.
The reasoning: The US Constitution requires a president to be a naturally born citizen of the United States of America, and be at least 35 years of age at inauguration.
Despite ignoring rule (1), ensuring the USA existed before starting his run in 17321, Washington (along with other top speedrunners) did their best to make rule 1 possible. He held the #1 spot for forty years before losing the crown to Martin Van Buren. Thomas Jefferson and James Monroe were early favorites to beat his time before losing to John Adams and James Madison, respectively.
Martin Van Buren strategically opened his run by being born after the formation of the United States, setting him up for the 100% all achievements record.
John Tyler took advantage of William Henry Harrison’s untimely death to take the top spot at 51y 6d, but was unable to hold onto the crown when James K. Polk snatched it from him in 1845. New speedrunner, New Hampshire’s own Franklin Pierce, came from behind to take the record a full year faster than Polk at an age of 48y 101d.
Although there was plenty of room for improvement, Pierce held onto the record for sixteen years before war hero Ulysses S. Grant (“the S stands for nothing”) took it from him with a record-breaking time of 46y 311d which most runners at the time considered realistically unbeatable.
Grant’s record would stand for 32 years until finally surpassed by the current record holder, Theodore Roosevelt, at 42y, 322d.
Who’s going to take the crown away from Teddy?
There’s only a few potential candidates who could make a serious run at the record.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: This Democratic congresswoman from New York would, if she won the election in 2028, take office at 39y, 99d, more than two years faster than Roosevelt’s record. She missed her chance to take the title in 2024, where she would have been nearly unassailable at 35y, 99d.
Her best plausible contender on the Democratic side would be Georgia senator Jon Ossoff, who would enter at 41y, 339d, just under a year faster than Roosevelt’s record. Both AOC and Ossoff and making noises about a serious run at the record in 2028, but a dark horse candidate could toss them off the leaderboard entirely.
If Tiffany Trump, Donald Trump’s youngest daughter, wins the election, she would clinch the record at 35y, 99d. Since she shares a birthday with AOC and is exactly four years younger, to Trump would go the record that would have been AOC’s if she hadn’t stepped aside for Kamala Harris.
The US Presidency is still anyone’s game. Will 2028 be the year a fresh contender topples Roosevelt from the throne he’s sat on since 1901, a 127 year run that nobody seems able to match?
- One of my math teachers pointed out that Geo. Washington’s birth year is approximately the square root of 3, times 1000. For some reason I’ve always been able to remember since both the approximate square root of 3 and Washington’s birth year, without previously knowing either of them, ↩︎
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